I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
