im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
