I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My vagina just recognized that song.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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