we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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