I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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