There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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