PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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