Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
