Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
