his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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