This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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