I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
