why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
