if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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