no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Randomize
