I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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