Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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