You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
