I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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