I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
