just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
