you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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