So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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