i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
not ubering you a puppy
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
