is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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