cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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