Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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