we're chasing vodka with high fives
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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