On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
