i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
