my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
