Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
