Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
