Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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