it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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