Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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