My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
