My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
