we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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