If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
