she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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