Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
