margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
