I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
