A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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