He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
