After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
