she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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