You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
are you so shy because you have an std?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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