Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
